That’s right we went there: balance is possible.
Don’t get lost in the chaos!
Join us on this episode as we chat about how to find the unicorn of balance by keeping it simple.
Transcript
Nicki Kirlin, Jenna Fortinski
Jenna Fortinski 00:00
Hi, everyone. Here we are. Our second episode. I’m so excited to be here.
Nicki Kirlin 00:37
We made it to episode number two. Yes, we
Jenna Fortinski 00:40
Yes, we did. How are you doing? Nikki?
Nicki Kirlin 00:43
I’m doing really good this week. I think it was exciting to go on that venture of getting our first episode done. done and dusted. Sitting there. Please take a listen to it. And also just yeah, reflecting on the fact that we I think had a really good episode. And we got a lot of engagement from it, right?
Jenna Fortinski 01:03
Yes, we did.
Jenna Fortinski 01:05
I know. I’m very excited. I, again, like can’t believe that we’ve we’re actually doing this. I’m excited about it. And I think that this is a big step for both of us, for people that know us personally, that we’re doing this. And yeah, we did get a lot of engagement. We actually got some submissions for topic suggestions for the podcast, which is exciting, very exciting. And people are sharing it. So I’m very excited about that. I mean, I’m glad to see that that we have so much support. So it makes it easier to do. Absolutely. So yeah, so it’s been a good week for you. Yeah. And for you. It’s been a good week. It’s been a busy week. Yeah, we are busy in the private practice, which is great. And yeah, so I’ve been seeing clients been getting these podcasts together to put them out. And so it’s good. And with everything with COVID, of course, as always the black clouds hanging over us. But I’m glad to see that it’s specifically in Calgary that some of the restrictions have been lifted for small businesses, which is great.
Nicki Kirlin 02:11
Yeah. And, and then hopefully, we’re starting to get a handle on the numbers that are appearing in Alberta. So I see a very small light on the horizon. And it’s just like you can feel, I don’t know if you get the sense, but I you can feel the overall mood of the city shifting right with the numbers going down with the restrictions being lifted? Yes. See this sort of change in people and their their general attitudes? So it’s, it’s amazing how much of a difference that actually makes? And yeah, gives you something to look forward to hopefully,
Jenna Fortinski 02:45
yes, I can see it in the grocery store.
Nicki Kirlin 02:48
Yes, exactly. I was gonna say I don’t go many places. But the places that I do go, yeah, I see it. Yes.
Nicki Kirlin 02:54
And so today, we wanted to chat about a topic that we started talking about last week. And we didn’t really get into the the details of it yet. But we touched a little bit on balance. And we wanted to bring that forward for this episode for us to really dive into to get into the meat of it and to understand what it is. So let’s start with what it is. So do you want to tell us what you think balance means to you?
Jenna Fortinski 03:18
I really liked last week, I do want to point out that last week off recording, you had said this unicorn of balance. And then I had said it at the last part of the episode last time and I really liked that you said that. Because unicorn, a unicorn is, you know, something that we’re always looking for, but doesn’t really exist. So right. And so for balance, I think, you know, that’s a good way to kind of introduce it is that we I think everybody’s on this constant search of balance. And trying to find it in their life and trying to find you know how it fits for them. Right. So for me balanced means a little bit of everything, but not a lot of anything.
Nicki Kirlin 04:00
Okay. That’s a good way of looking at it.
Jenna Fortinski 04:02
Yeah.
Nicki Kirlin 04:04
And why is that so hard? Why? Why do we struggle with that so much?
Jenna Fortinski 04:10
I think that we, I think we have a lot, especially for like our generation and the society say our generation.
Nicki Kirlin 04:20
which generation?
Jenna Fortinski 04:21
I don’t know the real name. Generation Z yes?
Nicki Kirlin 04:27
I think so. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Jenna Fortinski 04:30
So yeah, so I think for our generation, and the generations that are, you know, behind us, I guess, we are in a world that is full of everything, like we’ve got it coming at us and all shapes and forms, right? So it’s an overload overstimulation all the time. So, when we talk about balance and what balance could mean and how balanced fits into a person’s life, where do you even start, right? Because we’re getting it at all angles. But all the time. So I think it is hard. And I think it is tall ask because we have so much information coming in coming at us all the time that we don’t even know where to start. So we kind of just go with whatever is easy, and just consume ourselves without first.
Nicki Kirlin 05:17
And so are we saying balance in terms of balance in my work life balance in my personal life balance with what I’m eating balanced with making sure like work life balance? Or what are we talking about?
Jenna Fortinski 05:30
So I like that you specifically asked what all those areas because I think it’s nice that we separate out all those areas, right? I don’t think that there is an overarching balance for everything. Okay, I think that we do need to separate it out. Okay. And I think that once we start to look at the different areas of our life, and we start to evaluate, okay, so how do I get balanced in my work life? How do I get balance in my personal life? Okay, how do I get balance with my kids, right, and we start to separate those things out, then it becomes easier to start to tackle. So I think when people probably heard, as mentioned, this idea of the unicorn of balance, we’re talking about this overarching balance, which is very, very scary, right? And I don’t really think that is attainable, either.
Nicki Kirlin 06:17
And that was going to be one of my questions for you is, is balanced really possible? Or is it something it’s one of those concepts that you’re always on the journey of like, it’s, it’s an ever, ever learning journey of understanding and reflecting on how it fits into your life. So it’s not it’s not a state, right? It’s not something you reach, it’s something that you’re always working towards. Yes.
Jenna Fortinski 06:39
And that’s a perfect way to capture it is that because our lives are changing so fast, in the in the day and age that we live now, and everything is disposable, everything is changing so quickly, that you do have to adapt, and you It really is a daily effort to achieve balance just for that day. I don’t think that you can plan for balance for the next month or the next two months, things are always changing, and especially now in a pandemic, right. We don’t know what the next announcement is going to be. We don’t know how it’s going to impact us the restrictions or, you know, if we get sick or if you know if a family member gets sick. So I think it’s really about how do we break it down and look at something that’s attainable, like we talked about a lot in the last episode. Which means we do need to look at a daily effort of how do I make this day balanced? Okay. So what does that actually look like? Good question. I think that it’s really important for people to take some time throughout their morning routine, if it means that you know, you’re still laying in bed or you’re in your shower, to figure out what it is that you need to get done for that day, and how you can balance what you need to get done with what you want to get done. Okay.
Nicki Kirlin 07:59
And so what about then let’s, let’s throw in a situation, okay, let’s say that it is a family of four. So there’s two children and the parents of the children. And the children have gone back to school and the parents are working from home full time. We hear a lot about work life balance, like make sure you have that work life balance. So what does that mean? Yeah, and how, like, how do you fit those that piece together? Is what you just talked about?
Jenna Fortinski 08:25
Yeah. And I, I’m happy you’re asking that specific question, because I think we are all on this quest to fulfill what media is telling, telling us that we should fulfill. And, and you know, like, what our friends are saying and what we’re seeing on Facebook, and Instagram, and all those wonderful places. And we’re on this constant quest to fulfill those, those requests, right? And expectation, and yeah, exactly. So I really want to highlight that it is so important for us to really look at what we want for ourselves. So not based on what we see on the media or internet or whatever it is on social media sites, but to really look at yourself and your own situation, and figure out what is important for you. And that’s where balance is achieved. Okay, when we’re on this constant search to, you know, I see so and so doing this with her kids all day long, and her kids are able to do this or I see him doing all these workouts and you know, I wish I could do that too. We’re really comparing ourselves right instead of saying, you know, this is what’s important to me. So it is more important to me to sit down and have breakfast with my kids instead of doing a 30 minute workout first thing in the morning. Okay. And you know, maybe for my friend it might be more important for them to do a 30 minute workout and then you know, figure out when they’re going to have breakfast there. Or maybe have lunch with their kids and said, so the pursuit of finding balance is really about what’s important to you first. So taking the time to invest in yourself and say, What is important to me? And how do I structure my day in a way that I can achieve, I can achieve what’s important to me.
Nicki Kirlin 10:21
That makes a lot of sense. And the thing that pops up in my head now is thinking about what happens when if you are in a relationship with somebody? What if your values don’t aren’t the same? What if my priorities for that day or for trying to set up my balance is going to look different from my partners? How do you you then how do you sort of work around that or work with that, I
Jenna Fortinski 10:44
guess, and that’s so yes, working with always working with. So I don’t expect to have the exact same values as my partner. And I don’t think that that should be an expectation either. And I think that we really need to be able to advocate for our own values and advocate for what’s important to us, so that our partner, and we can have a conversation about what’s important to get done for that day and find ways to, you know, really lean on each other and have communication around what’s important to me that I need to achieve for this day. And hopefully, through, you know, healthy communication and an understanding and pre planning that we can both achieve what we want out of every day. Okay. Yeah, I think it
Nicki Kirlin 11:34
definitely highlights the critical importance of having that communication piece and within your relationship. Yeah. And there’s also, I think, another level of challenge there around children. Because children, there’s priorities and values that come with having children as well. So balance really comes into so many different parts of it, right? Because there’s a balance around for yourself, there’s a balance with your partner, if you have one, there’s a balance for your children. There’s a balance for your family as a whole. Yeah. So there’s so many pieces that are sort of a part of that puzzle.
Jenna Fortinski 12:09
Yeah. And I think when you and I like that you’re saying that way, because I think that’s what a lot of people think, is that there’s so many things to balance, right. And it can be so overwhelming and so confused. And so consuming. Right? And it doesn’t have to be.
Nicki Kirlin 12:28
So tell me how that gave me the Give me the the the unicorn answer that we’re looking for.
Jenna Fortinski 12:36
Yes. So the unicorn is really in keeping it simple. Okay. And that’s why I live and breathe this philosophy. And so that looks at that looks like, okay, so for today, I know, I have to work for eight hours, I know, I’ve got you know, four hours plus or minus with my kids. And then I’ve got, you know, the time till I go to bed, right, depending on what age your kids are, of course, that’s always a factor. But for majority of the population, maybe that’s what their day looks like. So how do you prioritize your time within those time constraints and prioritize what’s important to you, within those time constraints, right. And if that means looking at each part of your day, and sectioning off each part of your day and say, I need to make a balance with in my work, I know I need to look at my emails, I know I need to attend these meetings. I know I need to get back to these people make these phone calls. This is what’s most important to me. And that’s what I’m going to tackle first. And then once your workday is over, okay, so this is what’s important to me. I need to maybe roll around on the floor with my kids for a couple hours. I need to make dinner, and then we need to have a family dinner together need to spend time with kids after dinner. That’s what’s important to me. That’s what I’m going to do. So balance is achieved in planning.
Nicki Kirlin 13:57
Hmm, that speaks to my heart. I’m a firm believer in planning. Yeah, a personal note. Yes.
Nicki Kirlin 14:06
But it does. It makes a lot of sense. It’s it sort of sounds, it sounds like you’re getting into like the real nitty gritty of looking at your day. But it obviously works from the perspective of trying to divvy up that little bit of time, those awake hours that we have during the day, how we divvy those up and, and make them fit with our overall values
Jenna Fortinski 14:32
as you’ve been talking about. That’s right. And so I guess like a good way to say the opposite is that it’s easy to get lost in the chaos. Mm hmm. And it seems like days just like, you know, passes by I’ve lost track of time. I don’t even know what day it is and how could it already be the end of January. You know, we’re already starting a new year. So if we take the approach of being purposeful and planning then things To become much more clear and much more achievable and attainable, and we’re able to, you know, tackle the things on our list and be able to spend time where we want to spend time.
Nicki Kirlin 15:11
Yeah, it makes it more efficient. And yes, right. Yes. Now you’re being you’re being purposeful about what, what, what you’re doing with the time that you have. Yeah. And it sure makes you question what is actually important in that day, it really makes you reflect on that and think about what you know, I have this amount of time now, what am I really going to use it for?
Jenna Fortinski 15:32
Yeah. And I think that’s what I wanted to highlight for this episode is, you know, the quality time is that we do have the yesterday’s go by fast, but we do have these opportunities to spend good quality, time doing the things that we want to do. And we can make it work. And you know, if it means that you need to wake up an extra half hour early, because you need to get your workout done, then that’s what you need to do. If it’s important to you, you’ll make it happen. Right? If you you know, at the end of your workday, it’s important to you to like I said, roll around on the floor with your kids for half hour before you start dinner, then, you know, make that a priority and make it happen, right? Doesn’t mean that you’re, you know, setting off everything else aside, but that’s what’s important for that day.
Nicki Kirlin 16:17
And I think that’s so important it, especially now with where we are with the pandemic, because that has totally thrown everything else off. Yeah, it so that I think is really critical. Because the days are sort of, you know, they’re melding together and everyday is looking the same. So, in verse, I think we’re a little bit I’m speaking in a general sense, but we’re a little bit losing focus on on that balance piece.
Jenna Fortinski 16:43
Yeah, you know, so yeah. And it is, like I said, you can get lost in that chaos, right? So if you invest the time first thing in the morning, or even the night before, before you go to bed, and say, Okay, what do I need to get done tomorrow, what’s critical to get done, what’s a nice to get done, and kind of create two different lists, right? And start your day knowing that those lists are fresh in your mind. And hopefully, you can get your criticals done. And if your nice twos get done, great. If they don’t then shift them off to the next day, it’s not a big deal. And like I said, in the last episode, please be easy on yourself. Every day is a battle, and every day has its own battle. So if you have criticals on your list that aren’t getting done, it’s okay. Try again, the next day, it’s a fresh day, it’s a fresh start, it’s a chance to to give it a go. If you don’t, that’s okay. Give yourself a pat on the back for what you did get done. And the next day continues.
Nicki Kirlin 17:43
So I think that’s a really good point, because, and I’m glad that you keep reminding us about this idea of sort of being easy on ourselves, because it’s been a really tough year. And we’re moving into another tough year. Yeah, hopefully for a little while anyway. So it’s, it’s good to have that reminder, I think on a on a weekly basis. So hopefully, you’ll keep us keep us in check for that.
Jenna Fortinski 18:03
Yes.
Nicki Kirlin 18:04
So I do want to do just a quick recap of some of the things that we talked about today. in our, in our episode, so we started off by sort of introducing balances this unicorn concept, it’s this thing that, you know, is something that is really difficult to achieve. And we all know that we all talk about it on a constant basis. And then we had this conversation around what balance actually is. And your definition is around what is important to you is what balance ultimately is. And in terms of looking at it from a practical perspective, and how we actually implement it on a daily basis, is by looking at each day and making that decision once a day rolls around. And that part of that decision making is requires you to give some thought to what are your values? What’s important to you what your priorities are? And then finally, of course, like we always say is the importance of keeping it simple. Yes. How we keep it simple in this case is by making, you know, possibly making our day into sections of of time that we know we can dedicate to certain activities throughout the day. So that kind of capture are the meat of our conversation, the content of our conversation?
Jenna Fortinski 19:15
Yes, I think so I think you captured everything really nicely. So things that I want to highlight for sure is to be sure that we’re really looking at our own values and what’s important to us and not comparing. And then the other thing is, I always want to highlight and you’ll hear this every time is to just be easy on yourself. So to really keep your expectations in check and to make sure that you’re setting goals that are attainable for yourself, and seeing that little bit of success to keep the momentum going. So thank you for providing that amazing summary of the episode. Next week. I am so looking forward to our topic of experts. patients in a relationship.
Nicki Kirlin 20:01
Whoo, that’ll be a good one.
Jenna Fortinski 20:02
Yes. So this has come up for me a few times in private practice, even within the last few weeks. So I think that we really can tackle this and start to really look at what are people’s expectations in a relationship and how it’s impacting relationships right now during a pandemic.
Nicki Kirlin 20:20
Okay, that’ll be a really interesting one. Yeah.
Jenna Fortinski 20:24
So I’m very excited for that. So thank you, everyone for joining us. Today, we would like to share a quote before we go. We found one that we feel fits very closely with what we believe it’s by Jenna Kingsford. She says, balance is not something you find it’s something you create.