Our fears can come in all shapes and sizes. Some feel more “normal” than others. Why is that? And, how do we know whether they’re “normal”?
First, on the topic of feelings – keep in mind, our feelings are a deeply personal experience. So, who really is the judge of whether something is normal at the end of the day? You! This is really important because there’s few things in life that we actually have control over – and thankfully, our feelings is one. So, pay attention to those feelings and get curious about them, especially when it comes to things you fear.
Second, an easy way to distinguish between irrational and rational fears is to reflect on: is the fear based in reality? This is because fear is an important emotion that is designed to keep us safe. We need fear in our brains to protect us in some moments for example, running for cover from a dangerous storm, or being observant or careful late at night in the dark, etc. To most people, these types of fears would probably be considered rational, and having that fearful emotional experience is expected, and therefore probably also feels “normal”.
Irrational fears are more rooted in a false sense of danger and an excellent example of this is public speaking. There’s no real obvious danger to your life or survival in doing a presentation in front of people, however, it can produce those same emotions and physical experiences as running for cover from a potentially dangerous storm. However, it likely doesn’t feel “normal” or expected. Perhaps it is expected because most people fear this activity, but maybe it doesn’t feel like you should be fearful. That’s pretty conflicting, which can sometimes lead to even bigger feelings, signalling again maybe what you’re experiencing is “irrational” fear.
So I’ll leave you with this reflection question: Can we use the expression here, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and say, “fear is in the eye of the beholder”?