Well this is a topic that comes up often in the counselling room! And that’s also exactly what you need to know: We are all facing our own fears everyday in some shape or form, it might just appear that some of us are better at hiding (masking?) it than others.
There’s lots of things in life that we face on an everyday basis that are “scary” or make us feel nervous! And we are not alone in that. Here’s a few I either experience personally, or have heard about in the therapy room:
- Meetings (or presentations) at work
- Connecting and making small talk with strangers or acquaintances
- Going into the classroom and interacting with peers (especially in “new” settings)
These are just the tip of the iceberg of things that we each could be facing everyday and likely feel fearful about.
The most amazing part? We just do it! We do what needs to be done. In the moment, when we’re staring that experience right in the face – we muster up our courage, strength and vulnerability, and tackle it. How we tackle it, is the variable. Maybe we go on “auto-pilot” and feel as if our brains go blank in the moment, or maybe we are talking ourselves through it, or, maybe we walk right into it without even knowing it! Whatever the method or response, what matters is that you: just do. The best thing to keep those everyday fears from building into something more is to keep “doing”. Keep facing it, tackling it, and don’t give up. You’ve done it before, likely many times, and you can definitely do it again.
Here’s a few simple and practical strategies to tackle the examples I have listed above:
- Meetings (or presentations) at work
- Learn a little bit about who might be at the meeting or presentation – and then have a few specific questions or statements prepared in advance to share with the group, sometimes it can be a great icebreaker to ease the tension and make everyone (including yourself) feel comfortable!
- Connecting and making small talk with strangers or acquaintances
- Have a few questions already prepared in your mind before the interactions and keep it general (e.g., “have you watched any good tv shows or movies recently?” “What are your plans for (insert holiday – thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.)?”).
- Going into the classroom and interacting with peers (especially in “new” settings)
- Like the strategy above, have some key thoughts at the ready to drop in, if needed (e.g., “what did you think of that last quiz? Did you do how you hoped you would?”).
I’ll leave you with this last little nugget: coming to a place of acceptance that this is part of the human experience can be really helpful, rather than fighting it. We will do things everyday that are hard, not fun, or sometimes painful, but it all contributes back to the larger journey in life. And remember, we’re ALL doing it, every single day.